Wonder Women

Are You on a Time Diet?

The best part of being on a diet is going off. I don't consider eating according to Body for Life principles a "diet" per se, but I do enjoy the permitted free meals. A lot.

I was all set to enjoy a free meal at our favorite BBQ restaurant with the family last week, only to discover that the menus were changed. Oh, the entrees were the same, but with one small, yet painful difference. A calorie count was listed for each meal. My health-conscious husband was exclaiming over the big numbers and righteously made a lower-calorie choice. 

Normally, I would have approved that the restaurant made such a great, healthy change. After all, we often unknowingly ingest an entire day's worth of food in one meal when we eat out and then struggle to manage our weight. The problem was, I had been eating clean for several days and I wanted to really let loose and enjoy. Those nasty calorie counts wouldn't let me. I cut back on my order and went home disappointed. What was worse is that I felt unmotivated to eat clean the next day.

The lesson learned is don't go to a restaurant with calorie counts for a free meal. Not really. :-) What I really learned is that not having an occasional opportunity to be truly free in what I eat is a hindrance to me. Further, I learned that I have been on a time diet for quite some time with no decent free meals.

Suddenly, I finally understood why 15-minute breaks and a scant hour of free time a day leave me wanting. My recreational time needs to be free of calorie counts and I need a big portion of it. Perpetually pursuing a task management approach that leaves me with no guilt-free days is a recipe for a binge. No wonder after having pushed myself hard or having been pulled in multiple directions, I often sit like a slug, web surfing for hours on end. I want to eat my time like a plate of fries with ketchup without anyone telling me what a waste it is. If I can slurp up the hours without guilt, I can easily get back to work the next day.  

Body for Life's free day is Sunday. As Christians, that's our free day, too. My goal is to take full advantage of it so I can get things done next week. Care to pull up a chair and share my fries? I've got a Sharpie to take care of the menu.

“Eat it today,” Moses said, “because today is a sabbath to the LORD. (Exodus 16:25)

Start Where You Are

I was on relay teams in high school track and while I had plenty of poor starts and bad hand-offs, there is one thing I never did in response--go back. Imagine the reaction if I had jogged back mid-race to the starting blocks to try it again. What if I just ran off the track in defeat? Or picture me insisting that my teammate hand-off to me again. Crazy, right?

Yet that is what you and I often do when we feel like we've gotten off to a bad start or have made a poor transition. We oversleep, don't have time to work out or make a healthy breakfast, and we figure the day is lost. We stop running and fret about our imperfect start. We might even do this in marriage or career settings. We might wonder if we really knew what we were doing when we said, "I do" or took the job. Instead of finishing the race we're in, we long to return to the start.

I didn't realize what havoc my habit of returning to start was wreaking in my life. If I didn't get up on time or get every part of my routine done, I was either getting quite cranky about it or I would foolishly try to get my morning routine done when it was too late. Believe me, if I miss my devotional time before the kids are up, it's an exercise in frustration trying to have it with them around. The more I tried to catch up, the behinder I got! I found myself running the wrong way on the track, getting tripped up, and wondering what was wrong.

In a race, I worried about getting out of the blocks poorly or fumbling the baton after the race was over. Until the next practice, I just ran for all I was worth, not worrying about what didn't go well before. That's what I'm practicing now. If my day is interrupted, I start where I'm at. If I have extra time to go back and do the things I missed (fat chance), I can. If not, at least the latter part of my day will go smoothly. At day's end, I can evaluate what went wrong in the morning and take steps to prevent it from happening again. 

Maybe you're struggling with something more serious than an upset day; perhaps it seems that you've gotten a bad start in life and you'd like a do-over. What if you started where you are? Made the most of the marriage and career you have? I'm not suggesting that this is good advice for every situation, but it's an option to consider. 

If today's gotten off to a bad start, either pick up your routine from here on out, or make a new, short list of what you'd like to accomplish with what's left of the day. Remember, plenty of relay teams have gotten off to a bad start or bungled the hand-off and went on to win the race.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1)

From Choker to Champion

Tonight I watched Game 6 of the World Series in which Cardinals player, David Freese, dropped an easy pop fly that one of my kids could have caught. He choked. In front of an audience of millions. 

My heart went out to him. I've been there. Almost literally! I was a catcher in a girls' softball championship tournament and dropped an easy pop fly. I think more than once! Fortunately I don't remember that little detail. But I'll never forget the sick feeling in my stomach, the shame, and the self-loathing. 

The game (in case you weren't watching) looked like a sure loss for the Cardinals because David Freese's wasn't the only error. My husband was practically snoring in the ninth inning. We both thought, "We messed up; it's over." 

But miracle of miracles, the Cardinals' hopes were resuscitated with a last-minute hit from none other than David Freese. Much too soon, that hit seemed for naught because once again the rival Rangers were up two runs. We figured we had a nice rally, but the night would end in defeat. Instead, in extra innings, home boy David Freese hit a home run to end the game.

Suddenly, David who we expected to be despised and dejected when the game was over, was heralded as a champion. When he was interviewed afterward, David was able to laugh about "looking like an idiot" because he had been redeemed. He explained the Cardinals' unlikely victory by crediting his coach, Tony LaRussa. David said, "He knows what he's doing."

What a thrill this game was, not just because it was a nail biter and my team won, but because we saw our lives being played out on that field. We're all chokers like David. While we expect to be despised and rejected for looking like idiots, we'll be redeemed champions when the game's over. After all, we have a Coach who "knows what He's doing." 

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

 

How to Handle Hurt

Like you, I've been hurt many, many times. While the scrapes, burns, and injuries are soon forgotten, the emotional hurts can fester for years. I have not become perfectly proficient in healing relationship wounds, but I have learned a few things professionally and personally. Perhaps one of these "bandages" will help you handle hurt, too.

• Admit you're hurt. Denying that someone hurt you makes it more likely that you will act out and hurt yourself or someone else. Even if you don't have the courage to tell the person who hurt you, acknowledge the pain and tell someone you trust. 
• Get it out. Like thorns in the flesh, emotional wounds that aren't removed can infect us, destroying our health. I've found the best ways to get it out are to write it out, talk it out, and cry it out. 
• Look for the root. Seeking to understand the real cause of the hurt can help you heal. Most of the time we're either being overly sensitive or the perpetrator is acting out of her own pain. Often what was said or done isn't about us. Understanding doesn't excuse wrong behavior, but enables us to get over it more quickly. 
• Don't take it too seriously. Some of the things people say and do that are hurtful are quite comical when you look at them a different way. My master's research was on laughter's impact on pain perception. Humor helps physical pain, but it's a great analgesic for relationship hurts, too.
• Don't pick at the wound. Once we've shared our heart with a trusted confidante, continuing to talk about the painful words or behavior is like reopening a scab. Commit to leaving it alone so it will heal.
• Exchange your hope. We may find ourselves hoping that the perpetrator will finally understand how they've hurt us and will express their deep regret for doing so. That kind of hope leaves our wounds open to infection. Instead, hope in the God who allowed the situation so He could work it for your good and His glory.
• Pray for the one who hurt you. The most healing prayer is not that the perpetrator will be hit by a speeding bus! Instead, pray that the Lord would heal her and forgive her so she will not hurt herself or others anymore. Of course, as we pray we recognize that we have inadvertently hurt others, too. Thank God for His mercy and forgiveness.

If none of these help, email me. My husband is a black belt in ju jitsu and he would be happy to beat up the person who hurt your feelings. Hope that made you smile. :-)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

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How Do You Rate?

I went to the funeral of my husband's beloved uncle today. And I was surprised.

No one mentioned his weight, his body fat percentage, his golf handicap, his IQ, his investment return, Amazon ranking, his Klout score, number of Facebook friends, followers, or blog page views.

They did mention how many grandchildren he had, but really the only impressive statistic was 69--the number of years he was married to the same woman. Despite this veritable dearth of evidence of greatness, people really seemed to have loved him. 

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7)

Power Up Your Prayer Time

Can you tell that I am focused on energy lately? Just as I have sought out ways to jump start my productivity, I am interested in energizing my prayer time.

I use the Prayer Lists app from iTunes to organize my prayers. I divide our extended family and concerns (health, salvation, etc.) into days so my prayers are more manageable. But lately my list has still seemed long. Getting through it has been almost as challenging as tackling my task list.

I believe that the key to powering up prayer time can be found in Philippians 4:6:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

The phrase "with thanksgiving" is set apart, giving it special emphasis. I have tried to implement this many times in the past. I have started prayer time with praise and thanksgiving. Sometimes I felt like I was buttering God up so He would be more likely to give me what I want. Sometimes I have been in such distress that I have struggled to identify what I am thankful for. Know the feeling?

This week I had an aha moment that started my prayer time on a whole new and more powerful path. What if I thanked God for something related to each item on my prayer list, rather than having a separate time of giving thanks, I wondered. Rather than thanking God for being faithful, a healer, and for my home, family, health, and more, I would read the name of a friend who was undergoing cancer treatment, for example. Before asking for her healing, strength, and comfort, I thanked God for keeping her alive to this day, against all the odds. I thanked Him for her faith. I thanked Him for the medical care He has provided. THEN I made my request on her behalf. I took thanksgiving one step further. I thanked God in advance for answering my prayer in a way that would glorify Him and would be for my friend's good. There is no question that this is exactly what God will do. Hallelujah!

Previously, I would get through my prayer list feeling overwhelmed and defeated. So many things are going wrong today. So many people are hurting. So many have rejected God. It was positively depressing. But giving thanks in each individual request gives me the opposite perspective. I see how much God has already done in even the most challenging of circumstances. And I come to believe that He will do even more.

So right now I am thanking God for the Internet, that I took typing in high school, and that He has led your to read these words. Now I am asking Him to move you to pray so you might be blessed. Finally, I am thanking Him that He will bring glory to His name through you, friend. Amen.

If I may have the privilege of adding you to my prayer list, email me at melphd at aol dot com.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Jump Start Your Productivity

Imagine driving a reliable car and then one day finding that it won't start. Your reaction? Start shopping for a new car! Ludicrous, isn't it. Yet, that's what so many of us are tempted to do when our reliable system for getting things done breaks down.

For the last month, my engine hasn't been starting. I've let things pile up. I've got no get up and go. Are you in the driveway with me? Let's look at potential reasons our productivity has stalled:

• We're run down. The most likely reason for a vehicle failing to start is we've left something on (because a door is open) all night. Or so many things are drawing energy from us, that we can't keep up. Not getting enough sleep and giving out emotional energy to lots of different people and situations is a recipe for a run-down battery. I've been way too busy and have dealt with many difficult emotional situations to boot this month.
• Poor connections. When connections with your battery are loose or corroded, you won't get the fire you need to get started. The connections we need to get things done are the relationship we have with the Lord and with people who love us. If you haven't been spending adequate time with these vital connections, you will shut down. Although I have had time with the Lord, I haven't had enough time with encouraging people lately.
• Equipment failure. Sometimes I've had a car with a bad starter. And sometimes our bodies aren't functioning optimally. If we are ill, going through hormonal shifts, or are depressed, we will have difficulty feeling motivated. Sometimes equipment failure comes as a result of poor maintenance. Maintenance for our bodies comes in the form of proper nutrition, exercise, and physical exams. I had let my exercise intensity slip and as I felt more sluggish, my nutrition was suffering as well.

Notice that none of these diagnoses demand a new car. In the same way, if you are struggling to accomplish things, the answer is not likely to be a new time management approach. When I get into a slump like I did this past month, I am tempted to surf the web looking for new productivity ideas and apps. Past experience leads me to believe, however, that there is no app or approach to getting things done that is going to put me in gear and keep me there. My current approach to managing my time and tasks is actually quite reliable. And furthermore, even as I have let things go, nothing catastrophic has happened. I lost a few dollars in library fines, but that's it. 

So if a shiny new productivity system isn't the answer, what is? A jump start. Nine times out of ten, when my car won't start, a jump will do the trick. Here's how I have gotten my productivity jump start:

• Get a jump start right now. Typically, when I go out to my car, I need to get somewhere. Now. The priority is to take action immediately. When we're in a productivity slump, we need to focus on the moment. Avoid thinking about how you'll handle everything tomorrow, next week, or next month. Make a fresh start right now and decide what you will accomplish in what's left of today.
• Open the hood. It's hard to jump start a car if you don't do that. Yet we often expect things to magically get better when we're in a slump. Open up your calendar, your to-do notebook, or task software. Clear away the cobwebs--the stuff that is already outdated. Likewise, move tasks that don't need to be addressed soon to a different list, context, or date. Often, just looking at your list will motivate you.
• Recharge. Sometimes cars that need a jump start have batteries that have been run so low that they need time to be plugged in and recharged. I recognized what had been draining me and I did something about it. I made plans to have lunch with a friend who encouraged me. I slept in. I made myself exercise and eat right even when I didn't want to. I took more time for prayer and Bible reading. And I unplugged from people and issues that were draining me.
• Choose a destination. Having a car that starts isn't much good if you don't know where you're going. In order to make best use of your jump start, choose a short-term goal that will get you up and moving. A friend of mine and I made a list of seven projects we wanted to complete in the next two weeks. Then we started sharing our daily progress with each other via iDoneThis. 

I'm happy to report that my productivity engine is running smoothly again. I pray that something I've written will be the spark you need to get going, too, without a new system!

I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me. They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work. (Nehemiah 2:18)

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The Real Challenge of Cancer

Does it ever seem like everyone you know is getting diagnosed with cancer? It's been one of those weeks for me. 

When I hear about a potential cancer diagnosis, I immediately think death, disability, and devastation. Do you? This morning my little boy asked me, "Is chemo a good thing or a bad thing?" What an interesting question. My gut reaction, honestly, was that chemo is a very bad thing. But the question made me think rather than react. The truth is, I have loved ones who have survived cancer for many years after having chemotherapy. How then could I believe that it's a bad thing? 

I couldn't offer my son any simple answers, but this I do know. The real challenge of cancer isn't chemotherapy, disability, or death. The real challenge of cancer is fear. This week as I brought dear ones before the Lord in prayer, asking Him for healing, there was a little part of me that was afraid He wasn't listening. There was a part of me that feared He didn't care. If it were true that God wasn't listening and He didn't care, then what hope was there for me? 

The real challenge of cancer is that it can lead to fear based on lies about who God is and who we are to God. While it does seem that all around us people we love are getting cancer, if we will look, we will also see the faces of those who've survived it. God listens to our prayers on their behalf. God cares. He carries them through the valley of cancer. And yes, sometimes He takes our loved ones to a place where there is no more cancer. A pastor whose first wife succumbed to cancer shared with the women at a retreat I attended that his wife told him near the end of her life, "Just because God is taking me home doesn't mean He is leaving you." We can meet and defeat the challenge of cancer by believing that God is with us and for us. That is a very good thing.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Disappointed in People

I'm going to get real with you and admit that I have been really disappointed in people lately. Really. So I went to the Lord with the problem, assuming He would sympathize. Instead, He said, "I know. Imagine how I feel."

I have tried convincing myself that the people I'm disappointed in haven't done anything wrong. That isn't working. They clearly have done wrong, even by God's definition. I have tried telling myself that everyone sins. That doesn't help either. I'm still really disappointed that especially professing Christians are so comfortable with sin. I'm not really sure what I expected God to do to make me feel better--give people a supernatural spanking? Turns out, God gave me one instead. Here it is (ouch!).

Luke 18:

⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

   ¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

   ¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Discipline, while painful at the time, always teaches us something. Here is what I've learned. I will be disappointed in people if I compare them to my inflated opinion of myself and yes, even if I compare them to God's perfect law. To gain victory over disappointment in others, I must keep my eyes focused on the Lord and how *I* look in comparison. Turns out I look like a really bad "before" picture.

There is no question that I am someone else's disappointment. There is also no question that sometimes we are called to lovingly and honestly talk to others who have hurt us or who are going astray. But remaining stuck in disappointment with others means we need our vision corrected. Thank you, Lord, for helping me see myself more clearly and as a result, loving you more dearly.

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Does PMS Mean Pardon My Sin?

Since having my last child almost six years ago, I have had increasingly severe bouts of PMS. This means that I have had more and more of what an O Magazine writer once called "rusty fork moments." Specifically, the writer said that when she was suffering from PMS, she imagined taking a rusty fork and jabbing it into the forehead of her beloved husband. 

That article made me laugh because I could relate. But there is very little that is funny about PMS. PMS, accepted as a real phenomenon by all but never-married male doctors, can provoke women to:

• Cry over just about anything
• Feel her life is suddenly miserable though nothing has changed
• Overeat
• Forego daily responsibilities
• Use foul language
• Scream or otherwise pitch an angry fit
• Violence (or just fantasies or threats of it)

Of course, I've never done any of those things during PMS. ;-) As I've tried various fixes for my PMS to no avail, one thing I haven't considered: could PMS just be an excuse for my sin? 

Now, don't get me wrong. PMS isn't all in our heads. There are significant physical changes taking place that seem to take me from being Dr. Mel to making my Mr. want to hide. PMS is a very real challenge in my life. But isn't it like any other temptation? After all, many alcoholics have a genetic predisposition to crave alcohol more than the average Jane. We don't expect Christians with that predisposition to give in to the temptation to drunkenness. Why should it be okay when my hormones are compelling me to pitch a fit, to give in?

I wondered what would happen if I started seeing PMS as a temptation to sin rather than an excuse for it. Even though I consider PMS a real challenge, it's more easily overcome than so many others. I know when the challenge is coming! So many temptations aren't predictable. The Bible advises us to be ready for temptation, so here is my plan of attack:

• Pray for the strength to resist the temptation to be unkind
• Get enough sleep, especially at that vulnerable time of the month
• Keep junk food out of the house during that week
• Chew gum rather than chewing someone out
• Keep up my exercise routine
• Plan fun activities, preferably with people who make me laugh

I don't know if my repentance about giving in to the temptation of PMS will lead God to answer my prayers for relief, but I can't imagine He will answer those prayers if I continue to insist that PMS means Pardon My Sin.

Mark 14:38
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

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