Wonder Women

How to Have a Personal Relationship with Jesus

 I remember my missionary sister-in-law talking about having a personal relationship with Jesus soon after I met her. I didn't really know what she meant.

I believed in Jesus. I heard about him in church. I'd read a little about him in the Bible. Certainly, I'd prayed in His name. Was that a personal relationship? I didn't know.

Now I do. Having a personal relationship with Jesus is not much different than having a personal relationship with someone else. Do you have a personal relationship with me? Many of you do. But if you only believe that I exist, you've only heard about me, you've read a little of my words, or you've used my name in conversation, that isn't a personal relationship. 

If you want a personal relationship with me or with Jesus, the first step is the same: talk! Jesus isn't a celebrity surrounded by body guards, too busy to talk with you (thankfully, neither am I!). I remember the thrill of getting a response to an email or letter I've sent to someone famous. While we can't be sure of getting an answer from a celebrity, we can be sure that Jesus will answer us when we communicate with Him. 

The second step in establishing a personal relationship with Jesus is to listen. While Jesus doesn't have a Facebook page, a YouTube account, or an email address, He does have a great way of communicating with us. He wrote a best selling book that tells us how He feels about us, His tips for living our best life, and His plans for our future. 

Talk to Jesus in prayer and listen to Him by reading the Bible and you will have a personal relationship with Him. That relationship, unlike going through the motions of going to church or trying to look good on the outside, is what can change your life! If having a personal relationship with me can help you have a personal relationship with Him, let me know. I am glad to pray for you, point you in the right direction, or respond to your comments.

Easiest Way to Repair DVDs and CDs

I see scratched DVDs and CDs in my sleep. They seem to go together with kids like fraying furniture and cats with claws. 

A ruined $20 movie that we've watched numerous times doesn't tie my guts in knots, but an art curriculum that I spent well over $100 on did. The first DVD in the set wouldn't work at all. There were no visible scratches on it and I don't think my kids damaged it for a change. But I didn't know what to do. I'd purchased the curriculum on Ebay and there is no way to buy just one DVD in the set.

So I started researching how to repair scratched DVDs. I read very mixed reviews about sanding machines, and frankly, I couldn't see myself scratching away at the disk with the right amount of pressure either with a machine or manually. When my eyes start crossing in reading the details of a solution to a problem I'm having, I start looking elsewhere. 

In this case, I found reports that a simple product called Rain-X might solve my problem. I picked up an inexpensive yellow box of the original formula along with a fuzzless microfiber cloth. I squirted a little onto the cloth, rubbed the defective disk in a circular pattern, and waited until the disk was obviously wet and cloudy with the wax. I waited maybe ten to fifteen minutes until it was dry and then polished the disk. I used a dry part of the cloth and kept rubbing in a circular pattern until the disk was shiny.

I inserted the treated DVD into the player and hallelujah, it worked! A couple of bucks' worth of Rain-X saved me over a hundred dollars. It turns out that Rain-X doesn't actually take the scratches out. It just covers them so that the light isn't scattered when it hits them. Simple, isn't it?

Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. (Romans 4:7)

We Can Still Win

I'm on a USTA tennis league and have been for the past 2.5 years. There are many aspects of playing that I enjoy, but the one that has been a particular blessing lately is the opportunity to work on my thinking. 

You wouldn't think that I would be nervous on the tennis court, being a speaker who's comfortable with any size crowd. But when I first started the league, my anxiety was crippling. The second I thought about losing the point or double faulting, that's exactly what happened.

I've been reading a variety of books on the mental game of tennis, but this one really convinced me that no matter how far behind I am, I can still win. The author gives many examples of pros who just gave up and lost matches that were theirs for the taking and other examples of players who seemed to come back and win against impossible odds. The key to winning? Believing that you can.

A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I handily won the first set of a match, then fell apart in the second, and finally lost the tie break. Yesterday, we seemed to be repeating that disappointing pattern. We won the first set without much trouble, then soon found ourselves down 5-2! If you know anything about tennis, you know that the other team just needed one more game to win the set. 

I could see the discouragement and frustration in my partner and I could feel it developing in me. Then I told her, "We're going to pull a David Freese and win this set." She smiled. When either of us made an error from that point forward, I made a point of saying, "That's okay. We can still win." Many times we were in a David Freese, World Series kind of way by being one point away from losing the set (though not the match). I felt the pressure, but refused to give in. Neither did my partner. We came back to win the set and match 7-5. 

The truth of Allen Fox's words became very clear to me on the tennis court, but they've become clear to me in life, too. Maybe you're against impossible odds like:

• You're getting older and you still haven't met "the one."
• You've filled out dozens of job applications and you're still unemployed
• You have a hundred pounds or more to lose
• You've been trying to conceive for months to no avail
• Your house is such a mess that it seems it would take a team months to clean it out
• You've been unhappily married for years and nothing you've tried has worked
• You have an addiction you just can't beat
• You're tens of thousands of dollars in debt
• Your loved one is elderly and still hasn't received Christ

While it's true that the right attitude doesn't guarantee victory, I believe it's also true that no matter how far behind you are, you can still win. I could give you examples of people I know personally who've experienced an unexpected victory in these situations. The key? Believe that you can.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

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Don't Let 'Em Steal Your Joy!

Maybe, like me, you have so many reasons to be joyful, but it seems that someone or something seems to run off with this spiritual treasure. What can we do to stop 'em from stealing our joy?

• Quit doing business with them. In our local news lately have been reports of home invasions that strike fear in the hearts of neighbors. The fact that the criminals were doing business with the victim makes everyone feel a little bit more at ease. We can feel safer emotionally by choosing not to do business with people who attack us verbally or physically or who only make emotional withdrawals, never deposits.
• Claim your right to the joy. Some theft victims are reluctant to press charges because they feel guilty for having so much. We are never to feel guilt for having joy, even if others are depressed. We may not be able to share our joy, but we can share its Source.
• Stop stealing from yourself. I've had my share of things stolen, but I've robbed myself of more than any thief has. I haven't taken care of my belongings and they've been misplaced or destroyed. In the same way, we can steal our own joy by not taking care of ourselves. Joy is harder to come by when we don't have optimal sleep, nutrition, or exercise.
• Use a security system. Most of the times I've been robbed have been when I've left a car door unlocked or left my valuables in plain sight. We don't have to hide from others to keep our joy, but we do need a security system. God's Word is not only an inexhaustible source of joy, but it's a weapon we can use to ward off the lies the con men use to get access to our treasure. The Bible is the best security system there is, but even it won't be effective if we keep letting the thieves in the door through the media we take in. 

Have you found any other ways of keeping your joy, short of gun ownership? ;-)

You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. (Hebrews 10:34)

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From Choker to Champion

Tonight I watched Game 6 of the World Series in which Cardinals player, David Freese, dropped an easy pop fly that one of my kids could have caught. He choked. In front of an audience of millions. 

My heart went out to him. I've been there. Almost literally! I was a catcher in a girls' softball championship tournament and dropped an easy pop fly. I think more than once! Fortunately I don't remember that little detail. But I'll never forget the sick feeling in my stomach, the shame, and the self-loathing. 

The game (in case you weren't watching) looked like a sure loss for the Cardinals because David Freese's wasn't the only error. My husband was practically snoring in the ninth inning. We both thought, "We messed up; it's over." 

But miracle of miracles, the Cardinals' hopes were resuscitated with a last-minute hit from none other than David Freese. Much too soon, that hit seemed for naught because once again the rival Rangers were up two runs. We figured we had a nice rally, but the night would end in defeat. Instead, in extra innings, home boy David Freese hit a home run to end the game.

Suddenly, David who we expected to be despised and dejected when the game was over, was heralded as a champion. When he was interviewed afterward, David was able to laugh about "looking like an idiot" because he had been redeemed. He explained the Cardinals' unlikely victory by crediting his coach, Tony LaRussa. David said, "He knows what he's doing."

What a thrill this game was, not just because it was a nail biter and my team won, but because we saw our lives being played out on that field. We're all chokers like David. While we expect to be despised and rejected for looking like idiots, we'll be redeemed champions when the game's over. After all, we have a Coach who "knows what He's doing." 

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

 

How to Handle Hurt

Like you, I've been hurt many, many times. While the scrapes, burns, and injuries are soon forgotten, the emotional hurts can fester for years. I have not become perfectly proficient in healing relationship wounds, but I have learned a few things professionally and personally. Perhaps one of these "bandages" will help you handle hurt, too.

• Admit you're hurt. Denying that someone hurt you makes it more likely that you will act out and hurt yourself or someone else. Even if you don't have the courage to tell the person who hurt you, acknowledge the pain and tell someone you trust. 
• Get it out. Like thorns in the flesh, emotional wounds that aren't removed can infect us, destroying our health. I've found the best ways to get it out are to write it out, talk it out, and cry it out. 
• Look for the root. Seeking to understand the real cause of the hurt can help you heal. Most of the time we're either being overly sensitive or the perpetrator is acting out of her own pain. Often what was said or done isn't about us. Understanding doesn't excuse wrong behavior, but enables us to get over it more quickly. 
• Don't take it too seriously. Some of the things people say and do that are hurtful are quite comical when you look at them a different way. My master's research was on laughter's impact on pain perception. Humor helps physical pain, but it's a great analgesic for relationship hurts, too.
• Don't pick at the wound. Once we've shared our heart with a trusted confidante, continuing to talk about the painful words or behavior is like reopening a scab. Commit to leaving it alone so it will heal.
• Exchange your hope. We may find ourselves hoping that the perpetrator will finally understand how they've hurt us and will express their deep regret for doing so. That kind of hope leaves our wounds open to infection. Instead, hope in the God who allowed the situation so He could work it for your good and His glory.
• Pray for the one who hurt you. The most healing prayer is not that the perpetrator will be hit by a speeding bus! Instead, pray that the Lord would heal her and forgive her so she will not hurt herself or others anymore. Of course, as we pray we recognize that we have inadvertently hurt others, too. Thank God for His mercy and forgiveness.

If none of these help, email me. My husband is a black belt in ju jitsu and he would be happy to beat up the person who hurt your feelings. Hope that made you smile. :-)

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)

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How Do You Rate?

I went to the funeral of my husband's beloved uncle today. And I was surprised.

No one mentioned his weight, his body fat percentage, his golf handicap, his IQ, his investment return, Amazon ranking, his Klout score, number of Facebook friends, followers, or blog page views.

They did mention how many grandchildren he had, but really the only impressive statistic was 69--the number of years he was married to the same woman. Despite this veritable dearth of evidence of greatness, people really seemed to have loved him. 

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7)

The Real Challenge of Cancer

Does it ever seem like everyone you know is getting diagnosed with cancer? It's been one of those weeks for me. 

When I hear about a potential cancer diagnosis, I immediately think death, disability, and devastation. Do you? This morning my little boy asked me, "Is chemo a good thing or a bad thing?" What an interesting question. My gut reaction, honestly, was that chemo is a very bad thing. But the question made me think rather than react. The truth is, I have loved ones who have survived cancer for many years after having chemotherapy. How then could I believe that it's a bad thing? 

I couldn't offer my son any simple answers, but this I do know. The real challenge of cancer isn't chemotherapy, disability, or death. The real challenge of cancer is fear. This week as I brought dear ones before the Lord in prayer, asking Him for healing, there was a little part of me that was afraid He wasn't listening. There was a part of me that feared He didn't care. If it were true that God wasn't listening and He didn't care, then what hope was there for me? 

The real challenge of cancer is that it can lead to fear based on lies about who God is and who we are to God. While it does seem that all around us people we love are getting cancer, if we will look, we will also see the faces of those who've survived it. God listens to our prayers on their behalf. God cares. He carries them through the valley of cancer. And yes, sometimes He takes our loved ones to a place where there is no more cancer. A pastor whose first wife succumbed to cancer shared with the women at a retreat I attended that his wife told him near the end of her life, "Just because God is taking me home doesn't mean He is leaving you." We can meet and defeat the challenge of cancer by believing that God is with us and for us. That is a very good thing.

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

Disappointed in People

I'm going to get real with you and admit that I have been really disappointed in people lately. Really. So I went to the Lord with the problem, assuming He would sympathize. Instead, He said, "I know. Imagine how I feel."

I have tried convincing myself that the people I'm disappointed in haven't done anything wrong. That isn't working. They clearly have done wrong, even by God's definition. I have tried telling myself that everyone sins. That doesn't help either. I'm still really disappointed that especially professing Christians are so comfortable with sin. I'm not really sure what I expected God to do to make me feel better--give people a supernatural spanking? Turns out, God gave me one instead. Here it is (ouch!).

Luke 18:

⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰“Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

   ¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

   ¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Discipline, while painful at the time, always teaches us something. Here is what I've learned. I will be disappointed in people if I compare them to my inflated opinion of myself and yes, even if I compare them to God's perfect law. To gain victory over disappointment in others, I must keep my eyes focused on the Lord and how *I* look in comparison. Turns out I look like a really bad "before" picture.

There is no question that I am someone else's disappointment. There is also no question that sometimes we are called to lovingly and honestly talk to others who have hurt us or who are going astray. But remaining stuck in disappointment with others means we need our vision corrected. Thank you, Lord, for helping me see myself more clearly and as a result, loving you more dearly.

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Does PMS Mean Pardon My Sin?

Since having my last child almost six years ago, I have had increasingly severe bouts of PMS. This means that I have had more and more of what an O Magazine writer once called "rusty fork moments." Specifically, the writer said that when she was suffering from PMS, she imagined taking a rusty fork and jabbing it into the forehead of her beloved husband. 

That article made me laugh because I could relate. But there is very little that is funny about PMS. PMS, accepted as a real phenomenon by all but never-married male doctors, can provoke women to:

• Cry over just about anything
• Feel her life is suddenly miserable though nothing has changed
• Overeat
• Forego daily responsibilities
• Use foul language
• Scream or otherwise pitch an angry fit
• Violence (or just fantasies or threats of it)

Of course, I've never done any of those things during PMS. ;-) As I've tried various fixes for my PMS to no avail, one thing I haven't considered: could PMS just be an excuse for my sin? 

Now, don't get me wrong. PMS isn't all in our heads. There are significant physical changes taking place that seem to take me from being Dr. Mel to making my Mr. want to hide. PMS is a very real challenge in my life. But isn't it like any other temptation? After all, many alcoholics have a genetic predisposition to crave alcohol more than the average Jane. We don't expect Christians with that predisposition to give in to the temptation to drunkenness. Why should it be okay when my hormones are compelling me to pitch a fit, to give in?

I wondered what would happen if I started seeing PMS as a temptation to sin rather than an excuse for it. Even though I consider PMS a real challenge, it's more easily overcome than so many others. I know when the challenge is coming! So many temptations aren't predictable. The Bible advises us to be ready for temptation, so here is my plan of attack:

• Pray for the strength to resist the temptation to be unkind
• Get enough sleep, especially at that vulnerable time of the month
• Keep junk food out of the house during that week
• Chew gum rather than chewing someone out
• Keep up my exercise routine
• Plan fun activities, preferably with people who make me laugh

I don't know if my repentance about giving in to the temptation of PMS will lead God to answer my prayers for relief, but I can't imagine He will answer those prayers if I continue to insist that PMS means Pardon My Sin.

Mark 14:38
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

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