Wonder Women

Organizing with Kids - Girl's Bedroom

When I started my simplify101 class, I thought I was going to organize one space. I wasn't sure which one and I didn't take the best photographs. I ended up tackling all of my kid spaces, and I wanted to share the results with my daughter's room.

The problem here is basically that my mother's prayers that I would have a daughter just like me have been answered. :-) Clothes, hair pretties, and an ugly kleenex box were issues as were wanting to keep everything on the dresser.

The swimsuit on the floor problem has been previously discussed, but notice there are no dolls in the doll furniture. They are cluttering up the closet instead.

There are multiple problems here, some of which aren't pictured. My husband was taking up half the closet with suit coats he wasn't wearing (no matter what he tells you). On the upper shelves of the closet were stacks of off-season and outsized clothing that my daughter would occasionally pull down, resulting in a mess. An ugly day of the week organizer was being used to store clothing that didn't fit in her drawers and the plastic container of hair pretties (when it wasn't somewhere else). Lots of stuffed animals and toys were overflowing the storage containers.

My daughter is too much like her mother. Regular cleaning is booooooring, but organizing is great fun. She's quite good at it. In no time at all, she had gotten rid of many of her hair bows and stuffed animals. Together, this is what we accomplished:

Clothes hae been put away. Yay!

We moved some things from her dresser (not as many as I might like!) and I bought her a new tissue box and a mirror. With five brothers, she doesn't get enough bathroom time! Her hair pretties are now trimmed down enough to fit inside a drawer organizer in her dresser.

 Dolls in the doll furniture frees up closet space.

So did making the top bunk a home for the stuffed animals.

Unfortunately, this is a bad shot, but I want to finish this post, so we'll stick with it! The plastic drawers from Target store doll clothing which used to float all over the closet. My husband decluttered his clothes. Yay! The large white fabric baskets, also from Target, contain outsized and off-season clothes. The basket can now be used to hold all the little goodies my daughter seems to collect. I have a flower-shaped cork board on order for her, which will also help.

I used Microsoft Word to make some labels that should hopefully prevent Little Miss from pulling these down to see what's in them.

 Finally, in going through years of the kids' paperwork, I found this painting by my daughter when she was a preschooler that I absolutely love. I put it in a magnetic art frame from Target and put it outside her door. In case you're wondering, we ordered her bed online. I saw it for sale painted and it was just too expensive. Then I discovered that we could order the bed mostly assembled but unpainted for much less. My husband spent a long time painting it in our garage. When we finally put it together, our UPS delivery man who had watched the progress, wanted to come in and see it! Of course, we obliged. 

Hope you have some girl's bedroom inspiration today!

 

Homeschooling Myths Put to Rest

I was reading some blog comments about homeschooling today that really got my goat. I realized that I consistently hear people propagating myths about homeschooling that I would like to dispel.

• Homeschooled kids don't have social skills. This myth is the most pervasive and for me, the most upsetting. This notion presupposes that the only way we get social skills is by spending most of the day in an institution where we are largely required to listen and not speak. What we are free to do in these institutions is to fend for ourselves when the bullies come to call. I don't know about you, but in my adult life, I am allowed to talk with people for most of the day and I haven't been beat up since I was 11. The truth is that homeschoolers have more opportunities to develop mature social skills than traditionally schooled students and fewer opportunities to develop immature skills like how to speak to adults disrespectfully.
• Homeschoolers are disadvantaged academically. I have had people seriously worry about how my children are going to do on college admission tests and get accepted to the best schools. These issues aren't my primary concern, first of all. I want my children to have a good education, but more importantly, I want them to have a good character. While there are a few opportunities not available to homeschoolers, it's actually the case that traditionally schooled students suffer the disadvantage. Homeschoolers have all day long to study, go on fascinating field trips, and be apprentices while their peers are in school. Test scores suggest that homeschooling is an incredible academic advantage. More and more, top colleges are looking to admit them.
• You have to be really organized and patient to homeschool. What's interesting to me is that I've never heard anyone say that to a classroom teacher. Why is that? The truth is that there are disorganized, impatient homeschoolers just as there are classroom teachers. But it's also true that homeschooling teaches you to be more organized and more patient than you would be if you sent your children away to school all week. The corollary to this notion is this question: how can you teach SIX children? I answer: how can a classroom teacher teach TWENTY FIVE?
• Homeschoolers should have to be more accountable to the state. First let me say that while there are homeschoolers who neglect or abuse their children, the overwhelming majority do not. If you don't enjoy your children, you are more likely to send them away to school for the better part of the day than to keep them home with you. Child abuse and neglect are a part of many traditionally schooled students lives, too. Are we doing enough to adequately protect them? Is homeschooling really a primary risk factor? Many times I hear people clamoring for more testing of homeschoolers. Remember that homeschoolers score four grade levels ahead of public schoolers and then think about what the state would do with more testing data. Even if you have a learning disabled child who is working at the maximum of his ability because of homeschooling, the state could use a low test score to require that he be sent to public school. If testing can be used this way for homeschoolers, it would have to be used this way for private schools. The application of such a policy for public schools implies that when their students score poorly on a test, the parents ought to be able to demand a private education or funds to homeschool him. Because I don't see that happening, I don't want mandatory testing of my students.
• Homeschooling is an expensive, elitist education. Recent research suggests that student achievement is not related to how much parents spend for their children's home education. I have several friends whose income is lower middle class and who successfully home educate. One does not have a home computer.  The number of free resources available today is staggering. More and more, African American families are choosing to home educate, too.
• Homeschoolers are weird. This one is the most true of all of the myths I've listed. Homeschoolers are engaging in a counter-cultural activity, so of course they're weird. I know homeschoolers who are weird in other ways. There's no denying it. However, homeschoolers haven't cornered the market on weird. I know very weird private and public school families, too. Don't you?

I understand if homeschooling isn't for you. But please don't perpetuate the myths that could keep families who would benefit from home educating from giving it a try.

 

Firing Back at the Duggar Critics

I really haven't used this blog to address controversial issues, but since I've been reading the Duggars' book, following their preemie daughter's fight for life, and keep coming across hateful blog posts about them, I feel compelled to respond.

They're crazy to keep having children. If you aren't a Christian, I could see where everything about the Duggars would rub you the wrong way. I won't try to defend them to you and this post isn't directed to you. But if you believe God's Word as I do, I take issue with these kinds of statements. The Bible speaks of children as a blessing, not a burden. Nowhere in the Bible does God advise us to be careful about having too many children, not even for the sake of "common sense" or finances. In fact, in Ps. 37:25 the psalmist tells us that he has never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. If God is not to be trusted to provide for our families, then why trust Him at all?

The Duggars are holier than thou. I have seen the Duggars speak in person, have been reading their book, and have seen them a few times on television. I have not yet felt they were telling me I am inferior for not living as they do. In fact, they seem quick to downplay decisions they have made (like clothing standards) as being their choice alone. The humility I have seen in them has really touched me. So why all the people decrying them as holier-than-thou? Could it be that their good choices make them feel guilty?

They can't possibly be giving those children enough attention. This has to be one of my favorites as the people who say it are typically parents of just a few children who send them to school with 20+ other children in a classroom. For seven hours a day, their child will have just one adult teaching them who doesn't truly love them. Research shows a student is lucky to get a couple minutes of personal attention. There will be no loving brothers or sisters to tutor or play with them during the day. What there will be are plenty of kids willing to tease them or physically torment them if they have the opportunity. These same parents will drop their kids off at sports in the evening, feed them a meal in the car, will rush them through homework and baths and shoo them off to bed. Yes, how could the Duggars possibly give their kids as much attention as these parents do?

It's abusive to make those older girls care for the younger kids. Would it be abusive to allow them to babysit other people's children as so many teen girls do? The basis for this statement is that it is abusive to have to be responsible to one's own family. In this view, the "kind" thing to do is to turn girls loose in the mall or the movie theater with spending money they haven't earned where they can collect immodest clothing, watch soft porn movies, and get STDs at the same time. If you don't understand that latter reference, you might want to research where many young teens are having their first sexual experiences. In my counseling practice, I saw several teen girls who would have gladly helped care for their siblings if only they received any attention from their parents at all. Throughout history, the role of young adult men and women was always to serve the family while living at home. Only in recent years have we produced a generation of young people who characterize this as abuse.

It's immoral for them to put their family on TV. I will not stand in judgement of fellow believers for this choice, especially when I know they prayed about it a great deal and feel God is using it for His purposes. They have certainly opened themselves up to persecution, haven't they? But so did Jesus. If there had been television in Jesus' day, perhaps He would have preached on it. As believers, it behooves us to remember Romans 14:4. Homeschooling 19 children may not be God's plan for us or what we desire for ourselves, but as Christians, we ought not criticize those who are sincere in their witness.

Got a Reluctant Reader?

 

There are any number of reasons why your child may not be wild about reading: 

1) Books he's given are too challenging for him

2) The material doesn't interest him

3) She might have a learning disability like dyslexia

4) Not enough reading role models

5) She's an auditory learner

6) Other options for entertainment are too easily accessible (e.g., video games)

7) He is anxious about it, possibly because Mom or Dad is, too

Whatever the reason for his reluctance, it's a good idea to take a relaxed approach to trying several different approaches to encouraging reading. I have two websites for you and your child to check out. The first is a great one for kids at the very beginning of their reading journey: Starfall. Your child can brush up on phonics and take the focus off her performance by rating the stories she reads. It's completely free!

The second website is from Disney. It offers 600 titles from picture to chapter books. Books can be read to your child or unknown words can be touched and read to them. A dictionary can quickly be accessed, too. Kids love the realistic turning pages. The most innovative part of the program is the intermittent (and unexpected) quizzes that test comprehension and award points. Get a free week trial here without giving your credit card! If you love it, up to three children can read as many books as they'd like for $8.95/month. Very reasonable in my opinion! And nope, I don't get anything for sending you there. 

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Babies, Not Birds and Bees

The kids and I studied human birth and development this year and I had to pass along a fantastic resource for Christian parents: Life Before Birth. It doesn't tell the whole story of conception so it's appropriate for younger kids. It also discounts the evolutionary dogma that leads to pro-abortion attitudes. If you're a homeschooler, this a wonderful resource. But if you're just a mom or grandma who wants to share the miracle of conception and birth with your children, this book is a must-have!

High-Tech Grandma

My mom has always lived about four hours away so she hasn't been able to spend much time with my kids. Mom is retired now and has been pursuing lots of interesting hobbies (karaoke, scrapbooking, and now writing). She started two blogs that have been such a blessing for the kids and me. In her personal blog, she shares stories from her past (mostly her childhood). I've begged her to do this for years and finally her brother talked her into it. Thanks, Uncle Keith! I now read the stories to the kids at lunch and we can all enjoy them together.

Her second blog is for her stories for children. I read these to the kids at lunch, too, or at bedtime. She uses pictures of my kids or clip art to illustrate them. What a joy it is to have my kids ask, "Did Grandma write another story?"

My mom is so creative. Leave it to her to come up with a wonderful way to stay connected with grandchildren across the miles.

 

Scream Free Parenting

Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool by Hal Edward Runkel (Paperback - Aug 19, 2008)

While on a trip to Disney World, I read Screamfree Parenting on my Kindle. I wasn't expecting a lot, but I really got a lot out of it. Although it is not a Christian book, it is clearly written in accordance with Christian principles.  The author suggests that at the heart of many of our parenting frustrations is fear. He confronts us with our own poor self-control and asks why we should expect our children to control themselves if we can't. One of his most convicting points is that every failure to discipline is a broken promise to a child. His book supports two talks I've been doing: one on fearless parenting and the other on fearless homeschooling. It's a quick read and I highly recommend it.

Naughty is expensive!

Spend Adamcode.com Release Date: Jan 28, 2009 Genre: Finance © 2008 Adam Williams

I have mentioned before that I use the IPhone app "Spend" to keep track of my kids' allowance. I also wanted to mention how I use it in my parenting in general. This approach can easily be used with a desktop computer or a notebook, too. I just don't like doing all the math with six kids!

I give my kids an allowance of 50 cents per year of age a week. So my eight year old gets $4 a week. Of that, they are to give at least 10% to God. I used to have at least a 10% savings rule, but most of the kids do really, really well with savings. I was also giving them interest for savings, but I was in danger of going bankrupt! The kids use their money for extras--like a shake or a happy meal if we get fast food. Or for music downloads on ITunes.

When the kids do something exceptional, I give them bonuses which is 10% of their weekly allowance. It makes it fair and it's easy to remember. This afternoon, the 4yo asked the 6yo if he wanted to sit in her chair at the nursing home. I about fell OFF my chair! That was definitely bonus worthy. On the other hand, when they do something unacceptable, they are fined 10% of their allowance. Just today I increased the fine for physical injury to 20%. I'm adopting a no tolerance policy. I'll have less hitting and if not, at least I'll have more money. :-) Actually, the way it works is the injured party gets the payment from the perpetrator--just like in adult life.

This kind of system may not work for you if your kids aren't motivated by money. My kids cry and cry if they get a fine. Works for me!

Twilight Update

I've gotten a lot of feedback on my Twilight review and wanted to update you.

First, I talked with someone whose daughter has read the books and she hasn't. She thanked me profusely for my feedback and borrowed my book so she can read it and discuss it with her daughter. I think using this as a means of generating discussion about relationships with your daughters is excellent!

Second, I've heard from some people that they don't want me raining on their Edward parade. LOL I totally get that! I definitely enjoyed the book. Some of us know that there are no men like Edward, but we'd like to indulge the fantasy.

Third, I've heard from some that the books actually get better in terms of moral behavior, i.e. Edward actually resists a sexual relationship as Solomon does in the Song of Solomon (also a great book that can be found in the Bible). I anticipate reading more of the books in the series and may give further reviews in the future.

Finally, I've heard from some that they totally agree with me. One concern I have is this--that my concerns could be used to judge others. I am so grateful that as a Christian I am free from the law. There are Christians who would be very unhappy with many of the choices I make. I gave my review not to sit in judgement of those who read these books or allow their children to, but as food for thought. I trust God enough to allow Him to guide your choices as He does mine. Any finger pointing I do needs to be done in a mirror. :-)

Happy reading!

And the winner is...

Heidi! Thanks so much for commenting. I hope you will consider attending Hearts at Home in Illinois or Minnesota and if that isn't possible, consider ordering some of the presentations on CD. You won't be sorry you did. Heidi, if you will email me at melphd@aol.com with your full name and mailing address, Hearts at Home will send you a book on Life Balance. I enjoyed your blog and I hope you will post a review of the book there! I can determine if it's one I ought to read.

Robin, thank you, too. I just want you to know that I put 3 names in a drawer (2 for Heidi and 1 for you) and had my 6yo pick. LOL

Have a blessed weekend!