Wonder Women

We Can Still Win

I'm on a USTA tennis league and have been for the past 2.5 years. There are many aspects of playing that I enjoy, but the one that has been a particular blessing lately is the opportunity to work on my thinking. 

You wouldn't think that I would be nervous on the tennis court, being a speaker who's comfortable with any size crowd. But when I first started the league, my anxiety was crippling. The second I thought about losing the point or double faulting, that's exactly what happened.

I've been reading a variety of books on the mental game of tennis, but this one really convinced me that no matter how far behind I am, I can still win. The author gives many examples of pros who just gave up and lost matches that were theirs for the taking and other examples of players who seemed to come back and win against impossible odds. The key to winning? Believing that you can.

A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I handily won the first set of a match, then fell apart in the second, and finally lost the tie break. Yesterday, we seemed to be repeating that disappointing pattern. We won the first set without much trouble, then soon found ourselves down 5-2! If you know anything about tennis, you know that the other team just needed one more game to win the set. 

I could see the discouragement and frustration in my partner and I could feel it developing in me. Then I told her, "We're going to pull a David Freese and win this set." She smiled. When either of us made an error from that point forward, I made a point of saying, "That's okay. We can still win." Many times we were in a David Freese, World Series kind of way by being one point away from losing the set (though not the match). I felt the pressure, but refused to give in. Neither did my partner. We came back to win the set and match 7-5. 

The truth of Allen Fox's words became very clear to me on the tennis court, but they've become clear to me in life, too. Maybe you're against impossible odds like:

• You're getting older and you still haven't met "the one."
• You've filled out dozens of job applications and you're still unemployed
• You have a hundred pounds or more to lose
• You've been trying to conceive for months to no avail
• Your house is such a mess that it seems it would take a team months to clean it out
• You've been unhappily married for years and nothing you've tried has worked
• You have an addiction you just can't beat
• You're tens of thousands of dollars in debt
• Your loved one is elderly and still hasn't received Christ

While it's true that the right attitude doesn't guarantee victory, I believe it's also true that no matter how far behind you are, you can still win. I could give you examples of people I know personally who've experienced an unexpected victory in these situations. The key? Believe that you can.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

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Are You on a Time Diet?

The best part of being on a diet is going off. I don't consider eating according to Body for Life principles a "diet" per se, but I do enjoy the permitted free meals. A lot.

I was all set to enjoy a free meal at our favorite BBQ restaurant with the family last week, only to discover that the menus were changed. Oh, the entrees were the same, but with one small, yet painful difference. A calorie count was listed for each meal. My health-conscious husband was exclaiming over the big numbers and righteously made a lower-calorie choice. 

Normally, I would have approved that the restaurant made such a great, healthy change. After all, we often unknowingly ingest an entire day's worth of food in one meal when we eat out and then struggle to manage our weight. The problem was, I had been eating clean for several days and I wanted to really let loose and enjoy. Those nasty calorie counts wouldn't let me. I cut back on my order and went home disappointed. What was worse is that I felt unmotivated to eat clean the next day.

The lesson learned is don't go to a restaurant with calorie counts for a free meal. Not really. :-) What I really learned is that not having an occasional opportunity to be truly free in what I eat is a hindrance to me. Further, I learned that I have been on a time diet for quite some time with no decent free meals.

Suddenly, I finally understood why 15-minute breaks and a scant hour of free time a day leave me wanting. My recreational time needs to be free of calorie counts and I need a big portion of it. Perpetually pursuing a task management approach that leaves me with no guilt-free days is a recipe for a binge. No wonder after having pushed myself hard or having been pulled in multiple directions, I often sit like a slug, web surfing for hours on end. I want to eat my time like a plate of fries with ketchup without anyone telling me what a waste it is. If I can slurp up the hours without guilt, I can easily get back to work the next day.  

Body for Life's free day is Sunday. As Christians, that's our free day, too. My goal is to take full advantage of it so I can get things done next week. Care to pull up a chair and share my fries? I've got a Sharpie to take care of the menu.

“Eat it today,” Moses said, “because today is a sabbath to the LORD. (Exodus 16:25)

Start Where You Are

I was on relay teams in high school track and while I had plenty of poor starts and bad hand-offs, there is one thing I never did in response--go back. Imagine the reaction if I had jogged back mid-race to the starting blocks to try it again. What if I just ran off the track in defeat? Or picture me insisting that my teammate hand-off to me again. Crazy, right?

Yet that is what you and I often do when we feel like we've gotten off to a bad start or have made a poor transition. We oversleep, don't have time to work out or make a healthy breakfast, and we figure the day is lost. We stop running and fret about our imperfect start. We might even do this in marriage or career settings. We might wonder if we really knew what we were doing when we said, "I do" or took the job. Instead of finishing the race we're in, we long to return to the start.

I didn't realize what havoc my habit of returning to start was wreaking in my life. If I didn't get up on time or get every part of my routine done, I was either getting quite cranky about it or I would foolishly try to get my morning routine done when it was too late. Believe me, if I miss my devotional time before the kids are up, it's an exercise in frustration trying to have it with them around. The more I tried to catch up, the behinder I got! I found myself running the wrong way on the track, getting tripped up, and wondering what was wrong.

In a race, I worried about getting out of the blocks poorly or fumbling the baton after the race was over. Until the next practice, I just ran for all I was worth, not worrying about what didn't go well before. That's what I'm practicing now. If my day is interrupted, I start where I'm at. If I have extra time to go back and do the things I missed (fat chance), I can. If not, at least the latter part of my day will go smoothly. At day's end, I can evaluate what went wrong in the morning and take steps to prevent it from happening again. 

Maybe you're struggling with something more serious than an upset day; perhaps it seems that you've gotten a bad start in life and you'd like a do-over. What if you started where you are? Made the most of the marriage and career you have? I'm not suggesting that this is good advice for every situation, but it's an option to consider. 

If today's gotten off to a bad start, either pick up your routine from here on out, or make a new, short list of what you'd like to accomplish with what's left of the day. Remember, plenty of relay teams have gotten off to a bad start or bungled the hand-off and went on to win the race.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us (Hebrews 12:1)

How Do You Rate?

I went to the funeral of my husband's beloved uncle today. And I was surprised.

No one mentioned his weight, his body fat percentage, his golf handicap, his IQ, his investment return, Amazon ranking, his Klout score, number of Facebook friends, followers, or blog page views.

They did mention how many grandchildren he had, but really the only impressive statistic was 69--the number of years he was married to the same woman. Despite this veritable dearth of evidence of greatness, people really seemed to have loved him. 

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Luke 12:7)

Jump Start Your Productivity

Imagine driving a reliable car and then one day finding that it won't start. Your reaction? Start shopping for a new car! Ludicrous, isn't it. Yet, that's what so many of us are tempted to do when our reliable system for getting things done breaks down.

For the last month, my engine hasn't been starting. I've let things pile up. I've got no get up and go. Are you in the driveway with me? Let's look at potential reasons our productivity has stalled:

• We're run down. The most likely reason for a vehicle failing to start is we've left something on (because a door is open) all night. Or so many things are drawing energy from us, that we can't keep up. Not getting enough sleep and giving out emotional energy to lots of different people and situations is a recipe for a run-down battery. I've been way too busy and have dealt with many difficult emotional situations to boot this month.
• Poor connections. When connections with your battery are loose or corroded, you won't get the fire you need to get started. The connections we need to get things done are the relationship we have with the Lord and with people who love us. If you haven't been spending adequate time with these vital connections, you will shut down. Although I have had time with the Lord, I haven't had enough time with encouraging people lately.
• Equipment failure. Sometimes I've had a car with a bad starter. And sometimes our bodies aren't functioning optimally. If we are ill, going through hormonal shifts, or are depressed, we will have difficulty feeling motivated. Sometimes equipment failure comes as a result of poor maintenance. Maintenance for our bodies comes in the form of proper nutrition, exercise, and physical exams. I had let my exercise intensity slip and as I felt more sluggish, my nutrition was suffering as well.

Notice that none of these diagnoses demand a new car. In the same way, if you are struggling to accomplish things, the answer is not likely to be a new time management approach. When I get into a slump like I did this past month, I am tempted to surf the web looking for new productivity ideas and apps. Past experience leads me to believe, however, that there is no app or approach to getting things done that is going to put me in gear and keep me there. My current approach to managing my time and tasks is actually quite reliable. And furthermore, even as I have let things go, nothing catastrophic has happened. I lost a few dollars in library fines, but that's it. 

So if a shiny new productivity system isn't the answer, what is? A jump start. Nine times out of ten, when my car won't start, a jump will do the trick. Here's how I have gotten my productivity jump start:

• Get a jump start right now. Typically, when I go out to my car, I need to get somewhere. Now. The priority is to take action immediately. When we're in a productivity slump, we need to focus on the moment. Avoid thinking about how you'll handle everything tomorrow, next week, or next month. Make a fresh start right now and decide what you will accomplish in what's left of today.
• Open the hood. It's hard to jump start a car if you don't do that. Yet we often expect things to magically get better when we're in a slump. Open up your calendar, your to-do notebook, or task software. Clear away the cobwebs--the stuff that is already outdated. Likewise, move tasks that don't need to be addressed soon to a different list, context, or date. Often, just looking at your list will motivate you.
• Recharge. Sometimes cars that need a jump start have batteries that have been run so low that they need time to be plugged in and recharged. I recognized what had been draining me and I did something about it. I made plans to have lunch with a friend who encouraged me. I slept in. I made myself exercise and eat right even when I didn't want to. I took more time for prayer and Bible reading. And I unplugged from people and issues that were draining me.
• Choose a destination. Having a car that starts isn't much good if you don't know where you're going. In order to make best use of your jump start, choose a short-term goal that will get you up and moving. A friend of mine and I made a list of seven projects we wanted to complete in the next two weeks. Then we started sharing our daily progress with each other via iDoneThis. 

I'm happy to report that my productivity engine is running smoothly again. I pray that something I've written will be the spark you need to get going, too, without a new system!

I also told them about the gracious hand of my God on me and what the king had said to me. They replied, “Let us start rebuilding.” So they began this good work. (Nehemiah 2:18)

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The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Change

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If you're struggling to get things done or to make significant changes in your life, it pays to consider whether you're at war with your inner rebel. Are you:

• Giving your rebel too many rules? Are any of the rules extreme, seemingly stupid, or put in place to please others?
• Asking your rebel to do something far too easy for her? Have you neglected to give her a big challenge, preferably with some competition thrown in?
• Neglecting to give your rebel the opportunity to be unique or to lead others in the process of change? Are you inadvertently encouraging her to follow the sheep?
• Disrespecting your rebel by putting her down? Are you asking her to follow the advice of someone who's a hypocrite or has few credentials (even if that's you)?
• Heaping on the guilt, in an effort to motivate your rebel, for tasks that aren't vital to sustaining important relationships?

You might consider referring to these questions whenever you seem to be experiencing resistance to change. You might also consider a related article on how feeling obligated can produce resistance. 

The truth is, however, that even after addressing all of these potential rebel stumbling blocks, you still may not have the change you want. I've been there! In those situations, it's time for a Super Power solution. 

One of my favorite changed rebel stories is that of George Mueller. More than a rebel, he was a conniving thief! He attended a prayer meeting with a friend with the intention of making fun of it later at the bar. But hearing the Word of God brought him up short. He continued to attend those meetings until he felt compelled to submit his life to Jesus Christ. George's life changed radically. But one thing didn't change; George was still very strong-willed. He ended up becoming an example of what radical faith can do.

In the same way, your inner rebel is likely to keep her strong will. God can use that strength to do great things. But perhaps like George, you need to hear the Word of God and you need to bow the knee to Jesus Christ and His purposes for your life. That's my prayer for you.

Who is wise? Let them realize these things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Hosea 14:9

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Guilt

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Respect

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Superior

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Challenge

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

 

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Guilt

Whereas brats rarely feel guilt, rebels are quite prone to it. After all, they aren't rebelling because they want to hurt people for the most part. They're rebelling because they feel they know best and refuse to be constrained by silly rules made by people they don't respect. A rebel will respond to the demands of someone on a power trip with intentional sloth. But give them someone truly in need and they will expend all their effort to help. Of course, the helpee is also much more likely to respect said rebel than the overbearing authority figure.

This is an issue to discuss with respect to getting things done because we intuitively know that guilt works to get our inner rebels moving. Their surprisingly tender hearts will often get them up and busy when nothing else will. The problem is we tend to abuse this strategy to the point that it backfires. Guilt is such a painful emotion for the rebel that if we heap it on, the rebel may just plug her ears and ignore us, even when the guilt is appropriate.

Here are some examples of the inappropiate use of guilt as a rebel motivating tool:

• How can you stuff your face when there are millions of people who don't have enough to eat?
• There are so many unemployed people right now who would kill to have your job and all you can do is whine about what you have to do
• Think of all the infertile women who would love to have a child and all you can do is complain about how crazy yours are driving you

Instead, consider posing these guilt-free questions:

• What need are you meeting with food that you could meet in more constructive ways?
• Is there a way you could make your job more satisfying or are you ready to look for a new one?
• When are your children easiest to be around and is there a way you could encourage that environment more often?

Guilt is effective with your inner rebel, but it should be used sparingly. Use it when your grandma is in the hospital and your rebel wants to finish watching all the episodes of her favorite TV show on Netflix before visiting her. 

A good clue that you're using guilt to motivate is the word 'should' and its derivatives. What kinds of shoulds have you heaped on your inner rebel to no avail? 

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Respect

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Superior

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Challenge

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

 

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Respect

We might be able to get away with disrespecting a brat, because a brat only cares about herself. Rebel's are another story. Rebels, despite their desire to stand out from the crowd in occasionally annoying ways, demand respect from others. The less respect they get, the worse their behavior. 

One particular show of disrespect that rebels hate is being ignored. When your inner rebel says something, it's best to pay attention because she will make herself heard, one way or another. When you agree to manage a project out of guilt or your desire to people please, listen to your rebel saying, "I'm not doing it." If you don't, you'll be scrambling to finish it at the last minute or worse, you'll lose face for not finishing it at all. Your rebel won't care if you lose face, but you probably will. When your rebel speaks, tell the person requesting help (even if it's you), "Let me look at my schedule and I'll get back to you." Then discuss the matter with your inner rebel. Another strategy that has worked well for me is to ask an outward rebel if the new project or new approach makes sense. If my rebel friend says, "Forget it!" I figure that's what my inner rebel is saying, too.

A second show of disrespect that revs up our rebels is character assasination. Rebels are practical, fearless, mavericks who will work like dogs on worthwhile tasks. If you tell her she's a lazy, good-for-nothing whom no one likes, you will live to regret it. Often we think this kind of tough talk motivates our rebels. It certainly does! But not in the way we want. Our inner rebels will go to extremes to prove that their approach is a good one, even when it isn't. Instead of putting yourself down for not doing what you think needs to be done, ask yourself if there is a good reason you're resisting. Often your rebel's approach is a lot healthier and balanced. If she says that you don't need to mop every night (because that's stupid), try mopping less often and see if your floor doesn't stay clean enough. If it does, give your rebel credit for talking sense to you.

A final way that disrespect operates to keep our rebels pitching fits is being unworthy of respect ourselves. Often we tell our rebels that we know better, and that Dr. So-and-So, and the Journal of Such-and-Such know better than they do. Hypocrisy, an unproven track record, or a snotty "expert" will not get your rebel to go along with you. Rebels abhor Martha Stewart even if you are crazy about her. They're more likely to love FLYLady because she's real (as long as they don't have to wear their shoes in the house). Instead of showing your rebel a picture of House Beautiful, have her watch Clean Sweep or talk to a true slob who has managed to keep things up well enough. Don't use a rich executive with a personal secretary to do her bidding as an example of what productivity looks like. Better to show her a home-based business owner who makes a decent living, but rarely takes time to dust.

The bottom line is, we have to talk to our rebels the way we talk to beloved friends, family, and co-workers who just happen to be different than we are. The truth is we can learn a lot from them! 

What things have you agreed to do that your rebel (or a rebel friend) warned you that you shouldn't and she was right? What would you do differently if you gave your rebel the respect she deserves?

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Superior

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Challenge

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Superior

A brat typically wants to fit in; a rebel always wants to stand out. A brat wants to wear the same designer clothes that her friends have, no matter what her budget. A rebel wears Goodwill clothes in a bizarre combination if she thinks it will set her apart. A rebel's desire to be superior sometimes explains her disdain for rules and her desire to be challenged. This principle means that it's misguided to tell a rebel:

• She must join Weight Watchers because everyone she knows belongs
• She should use David Allen's GTD philosophy to be more productive because it's the most popular approach
• She should sign up for FLYLady's emails because it works for most of her friends

I have thought of myself as anything but a rebel for most of my life, but I can identify with this rebel characteristic. I wanted to go to a "better" college than any of my classmates--preferably one that no one was familiar with. I also chose to stay at home, homeschool, and have a home birth--all choices that definitely made me stand out! 

If you want to give your rebel a chance to shine, consider:

• Using a new approach or a tried-and-true approach with a unique twist 
• Letting your rebel teach or lead while learning 
• Entering a competition

I have used these principles without even realizing it to good effect. I have created my own task management, housekeeping, and homeschooling approaches. As long as I don't turn these approaches into rules, I do well. I typically blog or speak about subjects I am still trying to master myself, allowing my inner rebel to feel superior even when she's not. When I completed the Body for Life program, I had in mind that I was going to enter the competition, even though I didn't. 

What kinds of things have you done that have set you apart from the crowd? How can you turn the things you want to do into an opportunity for your rebel to shine?

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Challenge

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

 
The first thing we are tempted to do when dealing with our inner brat is to give her some rules. Your brat procrastinated on that big project and you had to stay up all night getting it done? She hasn't taken advantage of that expensive gym membership even one time since January? She has been web surfing for hours while the laundry evolves into a leviathon?

You surmise that what your brat needs is some good old-fashioned discipline. From now on, she is going to be up at 5:45 a.m. so she can be at the gym first thing. She could have gotten away with working out three days a week if she had kept at it in January, but now that it's summer, she will be up and sweating every single day if it kills her. You don't care how tired she is after a long day of exercising, working, teaching, mothering, cooking, and housekeeping, she IS going to spend an hour working on long-term projects before she even touches the computer keyboard. And two loads of laundry must be washed, dried, folded, and put away each evening or she will not be able to read or watch TV. She'll learn, right?

The rebel that lives inside of each one of us revolts in response to rules. I have witnessed this time and time again in people I love who are more outer than inner rebels. Rules are quickly assessed as "stupid" and not applicable to them. As an outward rule follower myself, I marvel at their refusal to acquiesce, and deep down, respect them for it. Nine times out of ten they are absolutely right that the rule is wrong. If you listen closely, you will hear your inner rebel roar when you give them rules like:

• Absolutely no fat, carbs, or sweets
• Everything must be recorded and tagged in a to-do list
• Every decent photo must be scrapbooked and journaled chronologically
• Everything you eat must be weighed, measured, and recorded
• Every goal must be written, shared, and broken down into mini steps
• You must eat 9-11 servings of produce and drink 11 cups of water daily
• You must adhere to the schedule laid out in 15-minute increments

Most people who struggle to make meaningful lasting change are dealing with an inner rebel who hates rules. Two case studies. The first is FLYLady. I wrote a Woman's Day article about her home organizing routines more than a decade ago. Although she was an immediate success, there were as many anti-FLYLady responders as there were fan girls. FLYLady's rule that women wear their shoes all day really raised a rebel ruckus. Groups of FLYLady adherents formed whose identity was simply that they refused to wear their shoes in the house. 

A second case study. Mark Forster developed a system of task management that initially thrilled his rebel forum. Tasks could be accomplished simply by intuition, when they "felt ready to be done." The only problem was there were still a number of rules in the system. Immediately, the forum members objected to the rules and began proposing alternate rules. More than two years later, they are still at it.

If you are giving your rebel rules, your inner forum is revolting against you! So what are we to do? Don't we still need rules to get our rebel in line? Rules work better for rebels when:

• There are few of them. That's why trying to crack down in multiple areas backfires.
• There is a really good reason for the rules you have. A rebel will immediately ask, "Why should I?" You better be ready with an excellent answer!
• The rules aren't merely to please people. People pleasing isn't what rebels do. 
• The rules aren't extreme. Rebels still believe in common sense.
• The rules aren't based in fear. Rebels aren't afraid of much, especially consequences that "might, possibly" happen.

I will give you a personal example of the Rebel Rules Philosophy in action. I would like to cook healthier meals more often. So today I noted a weekly menu on AllRecipes.com that was for grilled meals, complete with shopping list. I read one review that raved about this menu and I added it to my shopping list. My kids and the cicadas outside were very noisy at the time, but I could hear my inner rebel pitching a fit. She was saying, "You're supposed to grill EVERY DAY for a week? Really? Your kids are going to eat grilled zucchini boats? Uh-huh. And you're going to make a grilled dessert every night? That is just stupid!" 

So rather than do what I would normally do and buy everything I need for the grilled weekly menu, only to let the stuff spoil because I don't cook it, and then wonder why I am so lazy, I listened to my rebel. I might grill once or twice this week instead.

What kinds of rules have you given your rebels that have been resisted? Are there any rules you've laid down that have lasted?

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro