Wonder Women

We Can Still Win

I'm on a USTA tennis league and have been for the past 2.5 years. There are many aspects of playing that I enjoy, but the one that has been a particular blessing lately is the opportunity to work on my thinking. 

You wouldn't think that I would be nervous on the tennis court, being a speaker who's comfortable with any size crowd. But when I first started the league, my anxiety was crippling. The second I thought about losing the point or double faulting, that's exactly what happened.

I've been reading a variety of books on the mental game of tennis, but this one really convinced me that no matter how far behind I am, I can still win. The author gives many examples of pros who just gave up and lost matches that were theirs for the taking and other examples of players who seemed to come back and win against impossible odds. The key to winning? Believing that you can.

A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I handily won the first set of a match, then fell apart in the second, and finally lost the tie break. Yesterday, we seemed to be repeating that disappointing pattern. We won the first set without much trouble, then soon found ourselves down 5-2! If you know anything about tennis, you know that the other team just needed one more game to win the set. 

I could see the discouragement and frustration in my partner and I could feel it developing in me. Then I told her, "We're going to pull a David Freese and win this set." She smiled. When either of us made an error from that point forward, I made a point of saying, "That's okay. We can still win." Many times we were in a David Freese, World Series kind of way by being one point away from losing the set (though not the match). I felt the pressure, but refused to give in. Neither did my partner. We came back to win the set and match 7-5. 

The truth of Allen Fox's words became very clear to me on the tennis court, but they've become clear to me in life, too. Maybe you're against impossible odds like:

• You're getting older and you still haven't met "the one."
• You've filled out dozens of job applications and you're still unemployed
• You have a hundred pounds or more to lose
• You've been trying to conceive for months to no avail
• Your house is such a mess that it seems it would take a team months to clean it out
• You've been unhappily married for years and nothing you've tried has worked
• You have an addiction you just can't beat
• You're tens of thousands of dollars in debt
• Your loved one is elderly and still hasn't received Christ

While it's true that the right attitude doesn't guarantee victory, I believe it's also true that no matter how far behind you are, you can still win. I could give you examples of people I know personally who've experienced an unexpected victory in these situations. The key? Believe that you can.

Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” (Luke 18:27)

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The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Change

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If you're struggling to get things done or to make significant changes in your life, it pays to consider whether you're at war with your inner rebel. Are you:

• Giving your rebel too many rules? Are any of the rules extreme, seemingly stupid, or put in place to please others?
• Asking your rebel to do something far too easy for her? Have you neglected to give her a big challenge, preferably with some competition thrown in?
• Neglecting to give your rebel the opportunity to be unique or to lead others in the process of change? Are you inadvertently encouraging her to follow the sheep?
• Disrespecting your rebel by putting her down? Are you asking her to follow the advice of someone who's a hypocrite or has few credentials (even if that's you)?
• Heaping on the guilt, in an effort to motivate your rebel, for tasks that aren't vital to sustaining important relationships?

You might consider referring to these questions whenever you seem to be experiencing resistance to change. You might also consider a related article on how feeling obligated can produce resistance. 

The truth is, however, that even after addressing all of these potential rebel stumbling blocks, you still may not have the change you want. I've been there! In those situations, it's time for a Super Power solution. 

One of my favorite changed rebel stories is that of George Mueller. More than a rebel, he was a conniving thief! He attended a prayer meeting with a friend with the intention of making fun of it later at the bar. But hearing the Word of God brought him up short. He continued to attend those meetings until he felt compelled to submit his life to Jesus Christ. George's life changed radically. But one thing didn't change; George was still very strong-willed. He ended up becoming an example of what radical faith can do.

In the same way, your inner rebel is likely to keep her strong will. God can use that strength to do great things. But perhaps like George, you need to hear the Word of God and you need to bow the knee to Jesus Christ and His purposes for your life. That's my prayer for you.

Who is wise? Let them realize these things. Who is discerning? Let them understand. The ways of the LORD are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

Hosea 14:9

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Guilt

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Respect

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Superior

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Challenge

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

 

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Guilt

Whereas brats rarely feel guilt, rebels are quite prone to it. After all, they aren't rebelling because they want to hurt people for the most part. They're rebelling because they feel they know best and refuse to be constrained by silly rules made by people they don't respect. A rebel will respond to the demands of someone on a power trip with intentional sloth. But give them someone truly in need and they will expend all their effort to help. Of course, the helpee is also much more likely to respect said rebel than the overbearing authority figure.

This is an issue to discuss with respect to getting things done because we intuitively know that guilt works to get our inner rebels moving. Their surprisingly tender hearts will often get them up and busy when nothing else will. The problem is we tend to abuse this strategy to the point that it backfires. Guilt is such a painful emotion for the rebel that if we heap it on, the rebel may just plug her ears and ignore us, even when the guilt is appropriate.

Here are some examples of the inappropiate use of guilt as a rebel motivating tool:

• How can you stuff your face when there are millions of people who don't have enough to eat?
• There are so many unemployed people right now who would kill to have your job and all you can do is whine about what you have to do
• Think of all the infertile women who would love to have a child and all you can do is complain about how crazy yours are driving you

Instead, consider posing these guilt-free questions:

• What need are you meeting with food that you could meet in more constructive ways?
• Is there a way you could make your job more satisfying or are you ready to look for a new one?
• When are your children easiest to be around and is there a way you could encourage that environment more often?

Guilt is effective with your inner rebel, but it should be used sparingly. Use it when your grandma is in the hospital and your rebel wants to finish watching all the episodes of her favorite TV show on Netflix before visiting her. 

A good clue that you're using guilt to motivate is the word 'should' and its derivatives. What kinds of shoulds have you heaped on your inner rebel to no avail? 

Rebel's Guide to GTD - Respect

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Superior

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Challenge

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

 

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Rules

 
The first thing we are tempted to do when dealing with our inner brat is to give her some rules. Your brat procrastinated on that big project and you had to stay up all night getting it done? She hasn't taken advantage of that expensive gym membership even one time since January? She has been web surfing for hours while the laundry evolves into a leviathon?

You surmise that what your brat needs is some good old-fashioned discipline. From now on, she is going to be up at 5:45 a.m. so she can be at the gym first thing. She could have gotten away with working out three days a week if she had kept at it in January, but now that it's summer, she will be up and sweating every single day if it kills her. You don't care how tired she is after a long day of exercising, working, teaching, mothering, cooking, and housekeeping, she IS going to spend an hour working on long-term projects before she even touches the computer keyboard. And two loads of laundry must be washed, dried, folded, and put away each evening or she will not be able to read or watch TV. She'll learn, right?

The rebel that lives inside of each one of us revolts in response to rules. I have witnessed this time and time again in people I love who are more outer than inner rebels. Rules are quickly assessed as "stupid" and not applicable to them. As an outward rule follower myself, I marvel at their refusal to acquiesce, and deep down, respect them for it. Nine times out of ten they are absolutely right that the rule is wrong. If you listen closely, you will hear your inner rebel roar when you give them rules like:

• Absolutely no fat, carbs, or sweets
• Everything must be recorded and tagged in a to-do list
• Every decent photo must be scrapbooked and journaled chronologically
• Everything you eat must be weighed, measured, and recorded
• Every goal must be written, shared, and broken down into mini steps
• You must eat 9-11 servings of produce and drink 11 cups of water daily
• You must adhere to the schedule laid out in 15-minute increments

Most people who struggle to make meaningful lasting change are dealing with an inner rebel who hates rules. Two case studies. The first is FLYLady. I wrote a Woman's Day article about her home organizing routines more than a decade ago. Although she was an immediate success, there were as many anti-FLYLady responders as there were fan girls. FLYLady's rule that women wear their shoes all day really raised a rebel ruckus. Groups of FLYLady adherents formed whose identity was simply that they refused to wear their shoes in the house. 

A second case study. Mark Forster developed a system of task management that initially thrilled his rebel forum. Tasks could be accomplished simply by intuition, when they "felt ready to be done." The only problem was there were still a number of rules in the system. Immediately, the forum members objected to the rules and began proposing alternate rules. More than two years later, they are still at it.

If you are giving your rebel rules, your inner forum is revolting against you! So what are we to do? Don't we still need rules to get our rebel in line? Rules work better for rebels when:

• There are few of them. That's why trying to crack down in multiple areas backfires.
• There is a really good reason for the rules you have. A rebel will immediately ask, "Why should I?" You better be ready with an excellent answer!
• The rules aren't merely to please people. People pleasing isn't what rebels do. 
• The rules aren't extreme. Rebels still believe in common sense.
• The rules aren't based in fear. Rebels aren't afraid of much, especially consequences that "might, possibly" happen.

I will give you a personal example of the Rebel Rules Philosophy in action. I would like to cook healthier meals more often. So today I noted a weekly menu on AllRecipes.com that was for grilled meals, complete with shopping list. I read one review that raved about this menu and I added it to my shopping list. My kids and the cicadas outside were very noisy at the time, but I could hear my inner rebel pitching a fit. She was saying, "You're supposed to grill EVERY DAY for a week? Really? Your kids are going to eat grilled zucchini boats? Uh-huh. And you're going to make a grilled dessert every night? That is just stupid!" 

So rather than do what I would normally do and buy everything I need for the grilled weekly menu, only to let the stuff spoil because I don't cook it, and then wonder why I am so lazy, I listened to my rebel. I might grill once or twice this week instead.

What kinds of rules have you given your rebels that have been resisted? Are there any rules you've laid down that have lasted?

The Rebel's Guide to GTD - Intro

Back to Work!

Thank you to everyone who checked out my Body for Life before-and-after photos and thank you especially to anyone who told me they were inspired to embark on their own Body for Life journey. Seeing others succeed is the most satisfying reward for me!

I have taken a week off from eating and exercising the Body for Life way and I'm really glad I did--perhaps not for the reason you think! I got a chance to remember how bloated and fat and blah I felt! One of the really big changes I made doing BFL that I didn't mention in last week's post was drinking 10-11 glasses of water a day. I wasn't doing that this week and I woke up in the morning dry as the desert. It wasn't a good feeling. This week I got my food cravings out of the way. I made SCD-compliant blueberry pie, lemon freeze, lots of crepes, and Avalanche ice cream. I can't say enough wonderful things about my new Everyday Grain-Free Gourmet cookbook by Jodi Bager and Jenny Lass. If I could kiss these ladies, I would!! Their recipes are certainly a gift. BUT, I am ready to eat less fat and sugar than I've been consuming and enjoy that just one day a week.

I am excited to start using Gyminee  on my Iphone to track my workouts. I always have my IPhone with me to listen to music anyway, so recording my weights and repetitions on it will be very convenient--I hope! I'll let you know what I think. I also downloaded Interval Timer for the IPhone. I don't know how useful it will be to time my rest periods between weight lifting sets, but it will be great for times when I am walking/running for cardio in the neighborhood.

If you've been taking a break from any kind of routine that really works for you, why don't you join me in returning to it this week? If you join Gyminee, I'd be honored to have you for a GymBuddy. My name is melphd.

Body for Life

Last spring, my husband and I complimented a 60ish furniture salesman we know on his youthful physique. He told us to read the book, Body for Life. My husband and I have worked out for many years, but frankly I haven't been inspired for the last few. I found myself doing less and less at the gym. This June I remembered our salesman's recommendation and ordered Body for Life from www.paperbackswap.com. I read the book and was immediately inspired to do the 12-week challenge. Read more about it here.

God took away my compulsive overeating problem in 1996 and I maintained a 30-pound weight loss until 2004 when doing the Specific Carbohydrate Diet  (SCD) for ulcerative colitis caused me to lose an additional 12 pounds.  Unfortunately, most of this weight loss was lean muscle--especially since I wasn't doing as much strength training as I had in the past. During the last couple of years, I have regained the 12-pound loss and then some from eating more and working out less.

BFL appealed to me because it argued that strength training had to be planned and intense to be effective, cardio could be just as effective if it was short and intense, and muscle gains and fat loss occurred when eating six small meals a day comprised of one protein and one carbohydrate portion. I typically wandered around the gym goal-less, doing whatever I felt like doing. I often ate poorly because I didn't want to take the time to make something nutritious. Doing BFL gave me a daily plan for exercise and for eating, too. Just knowing that I had to come up with a protein and a carb for each meal gave me the structure I needed to start eating better. Combining BFL with SCD was a little challenging at first as I cannot eat processed low-fat, non-fat foods. I did eat cheese made with 1.5% milk and no additives and occasionally splurged and ate small amounts of things like olive oil and full-fat homemade sour cream. I took full advantage of my free days, eating anything I wanted, except for the last two weeks. I did use EAS's 100% whey protein even though it isn't legal on SCD. I didn't have any problems tolerating it and I made delicious smoothies with it as well as frozen coffee drinks using homemade almond milk. Finally, I took glutamine, creatine, and CLA daily.

After 12 weeks of BFL's 6-day-a-week eating and exercise plan, not only did I lose 5 pounds, 8% body fat, and 1-2 dress sizes, but I have increased my strength more than 150%! I have also been getting up at 6 a.m. for 12 weeks. That's been a goal of mine for years--to consistently get up early each day. Not only that, but my body now only requires 7 hours of sleep. I always needed 8 before and I still felt tired. I have so much more energy! The discipline of BFL has taught me how to meet other challenges in my life, too. One of the keys of BFL was to prepare for the next day's workout the night before. I have preached this for years, but didn't give it 100% of my effort until BFL. I just knew that if I didn't plan my workout, meals, and my workout clothing for the next morning, I wouldn't accomplish anything. I was actually afraid not to do these things! I knew that all it would take was one day of not planning, one day of resetting the alarm to catch some extra sleep, or one day of eating whatever I wanted when it wasn't a free day for my challenge to fall apart. I didn't give myself the option of not doing it. 

The picture on the left above was taken a year ago this weekend. I don't have a before shot from 12 weeks ago that I am willing to share with the world (LOL), but trust me, that I looked just like this 12 weeks ago! The most incredible part of this transformation is that God enabled me to do it. BFL emphasizes reviewing your goals daily which I absolutely believe in. But I knew that I wasn't capable of achieving them in my own strength. I prayed daily that the Lord would give me the ability to get through each workout. He did!

What's next? I plan to continue the BFL workouts and eating plan. I will probably be a little less fanatical on eating throughout the week, but otherwise I will continue on. My prayer is also to inspire others. Looking great is a wonderful confidence booster, but that isn't what got me out of bed at 6 every morning. I wanted to be as healthy, as strong, as faithful to a goal as I possibly could be. I look forward to taking on new life challenges now, including developing a spiritual workout for people who would like to make any kind of change. If that's you, let me know and I would love to have you be a program tester. Most of all, I want God to get the glory for the changes He made in me. If He can change me, He can change you! You can be in the best shape of your life, not in your own strength, but in His.

P.S. Why on earth am I wearing high heels with a workout outfit? I took some pictures in other outfits and forgot to change shoes. :-)

Surrender and Then What?

A dear friend told me recently that she understood exactly what I was saying about surrendering in the area of weight loss. What she wanted to know more about was how to eat after you surrender. That's an excellent question!

If you haven't read my book with its description of my own battle of the bulge, you don't know that I had tried just about everything to lose weight. I had tried counting calories, half-starving myself, appetite suppressants, exercising, a support group, would have tried Jenny Craig if I could have afforded it, not dieting, psychology and exploring my reasons for eating, and even reading the Bible and praying about it. I was leading a weight loss group at church and I hoped that my position would force me to succeed, for fear of failing publicly. I had initial success with every method I tried. Many women wouldn't think I ever had a serious issue with weight. I can understand that. At my highest weight, I was about 30 pounds too heavy. But the weight of the issue in my life was huge. It was all I thought about.

I thought about how tightly my clothes fit in the morning. I would be determined to eat lightly for breakfast. When I didn't, I would berate myself mentally and would be even more determined to eat lightly for lunch. Of course, I typically overate for lunch. I was so depressed about it, I rewarded myself with some candy in the afternoon. All the way home from work I would tell myself I would make up for all of it for dinner. At the same time, however, I could see myself devouring an entire pizza. I spent the entire night depressed about what a terrible day I'd had. I would be better the next day I'd reassure myself, but the cycle repeated.

When I began learning that I was engaged in a spiritual battle, many good things occurred. I was reading my Bible, praying, and learning the difference between worldly wisdom and God's ways. But I was still determined to succeed in my own strength. I would tell myself that I would just read more Bible verses, pray before every bite, etc., etc. It didn't work. I really believed that God could do it for other people but not for me. One day I prayed a very dangerous prayer. I said, "God, whatever it takes to release the hold food has on my life, DO IT." He did. Nothing dramatic happened. People didn't make fun of me for being overweight. I wasn't kicked out of group leadership and my husband didn't threaten to leave me. Instead, I reached the end of myself. I realized that after 14 years of struggle, I just wasn't capable of defeating the thing. I told God tearfuly, "If you want me to have victory, you're going to have to do it because I quit!" I literally said it out loud in my kitchen.

That was surrender. What came next? What eating principles, diet or exercise plan did I follow that gave me the victory? I have no idea. All I know is there was no system of not eating certain foods, counting calories or bites, or thinking about it AT ALL. That is a miracle! In fact, I didn't even weigh myself until months later when I realized I no longer felt addicted to food. I have testified to the fact that the Lord gave me absolutely no idea how this happened so that I would not be touting the Melanie plan to weight loss. And I would have been! But even though I can't give you the 10-step plan, I do want you to have the same awesome victory I have been given. Here's what I suggest:

*Pray that the Lord would do whatever it takes to release you from the bondage of obsession with food, weight, and exercise

*Tell God that you quit, that you know you don't have it in you to do this. Give Him permission to take over COMPLETELY.

*Every time you find yourself thinking about how to eat or what to do to lose weight...every time you pick up a weight loss book or look at a new diet...confess it as your desire for control. Ask forgiveness and for the Lord to keep you out of His business!

I have been studying the book of Joshua with my church. One of the events recorded there seems to apply to this issue. The Israelites took Jericho through no power of their own. Sure they walked around it seven times, shouted and blew trumpets, but God Himself gave the victory. The Israelites then grew over-confident and thought they could take Ai without even consulting God. In other words, they thought they were hot stuff! Of course, they were defeated! In the same way, unless we let the Lord fight our battles (whatever they may be), we will be defeated. No amount of warfare wisdom would have helped the Israelites take Ai and it won't for us who believe either. May you find victory in surrendering.